Thankful...but still in need

Wow...I could say a lot.-and I probably will...

  Anyways, I, first of all, want to say thank you to every one for their support and prayers, cards and hugs, during the passing of my Grandma Bundy. It was hard.
 It is hard.
 I was shocked-and still kind of am. I have never had anyone REALLY close to me pass away before until now. Three times when it hit me. Hard.
1. When we were at the hospital at 5:00 in the morning sitting around remembering her (she passed around 3:00am). I remember watching her and thinking, this isn't really happening...in just a second she will laugh at my aunts' stories about trying to kill chickens. I remember watching her ever so closely for any sign of life. There was none. That is when it hit the very first time. I didn't cry. I just sat there not willing to believe it.
2. I was at P.E. the day that she died. I decided that I wasn't going to be a wimp. Just because my grandma died earlier that morning doesn't mean I should miss school, right? And staying at home wouldn't help anything... So I went to school. Mistake. I was pretty fine until P.E. time. I was exhausted (having about 2 hours of sleep) and my emotions were literally going crazy. And so after being pushed to the limit, I sobbed. I am not the type of person that really wants people to see me cry unless I'm praying (then it doesn't bother me as much). I tried to hold it in while we were doing suicides. I held it in while we were running our laps and doing our stretches. I held it in. Barely. Then we had to do wall chairs. I was doing a wall chair and put my face in my hands and sobbed. I heard voices but I don't know what they were saying. Everything was in a blur. My grandma was gone. Then realizing that I was probably drawing some attention, I tried to get a grip. I couldn't. Kelsi was around a pillar doing wall chairs and she grabbed my arm, letting me know that she understood. I tried to get control once more and it sort-of-not-really worked. I straightened for arm circles and held my arms out. As much as I tried, I couldn't keep the tears from streaming down my cheeks. I rubbed my face with my shoulders and once more, struggled for control. Finally, some of the girls went to get a drink. I stood there, nearly going crazy. My heart was breaking. Not just for me. For my dad. And for my Grandpa. And for my 7 aunts and uncles. Kelsi came and put her arms around me and just held me. She let me just stand there and cry. I felt bad and tried to apologize. She kept saying, 'Everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna make it.' and then she started softly singing a song that Bro. Morrell sang in Bible class. 'Jesus knows all about our troubles. He will guide 'til the day is done. There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus. No, not one...No, not one. Jesus knows all about you're troubles. He's gonna guide you 'til the day is done. There's no friend like my lowly Jesus. No, not one...No, not one.' And I cried. And wondered how I would go on. And then I knew that Jesus knew all about MY troubles. He is guiding ME 'til the day is done. I HAVE NO FRIEND LIKE THE LOWLY JESUS. NO, NOT ONE...NO, NOT ONE. I cried more. Not necessarily because I was hurting. But because I knew that I wasn't alone. And I was so thankful!
3. We were at the Funeral Home on Monday night for the viewing. My family got there early and then my Grandpa got there next with my Aunt Nadine. I gave Grandpa a hug and told him that I loved him. We talked for a second and then my dad started talking to him. I slipped into the bathroom to blow my nose. When I returned I saw the most heartbreaking sight EVER. My grandpa was standing with Grandma. He was holding her hand and stroking her hair. He stayed there for a while, whispered 'I still love you Zelma' and slowly turned to greet the mixture of family and friends that was streaming in. I lost it. Isn't that so romantic?! They were married for 66 years. They were old. She was an Alzheimer patient. She didn't really know anybody (though she usually recognized me). And he still loves her. He was later talking to my mom and referred to her as 'his bride' and 'the catch of Zach'...(Zach, Arkansas)...But seriously...how utterly sweet is that?! It broke my heart. I had to leave for a little bit because I was crying so hard.

Anyway...Thinking back over the recent tragedy of my life I thought of a chapel service we had a couple years ago. The comment was made ' In everything, give thanks. Not for everything. But IN everything.'
So today I am thankful. Thankful that I had a grandma that loved me. Thankful that I had a grandma to love. Thankful for salvation. Thankful that I will be able to see her again someday where she will remember exactly who I am. Thankful that I have a blessed peace with my Lord so near. And I am thankful that I have a pastor and church family, friends, and extended (or un-legally adopted) family that was/ is here for me during the hard times. Finally, I thank God for being my lowly friend. I thank him for ALWAYS being there for me and for knowing all about my troubles.